Tips and strategies during each stage of change.

Pre-Contemplation
This is a good time to gather data. You can educate yourself about the identified problem It may be true that other people or circumstances are fostering the problem but it works best if you can begin to assume some ownership since you can only change what is yours.

Contemplation
This is the time to consider the pros and cons of continuing the behavior including making an honest review of past, present and future consequences. Listing reasons to change as well as reasons not to change may be a useful process. Consider cultivating a sense of hope as you seek out input from others that have overcome the same or similar problem.

Preparation
You can begin to take small steps toward action. Seek out reliable information from a variety of sources so you can begin to understand the issues.
Maybe it feels right to let others know of your decision especially if there are those who provide encouragement in a way that works for you. Review obstacles. Find ways to go around them. Challenge excuses such as not having time or financial resources to get the help you need by honestly reviewing what your current behavior costs you in time, money and consequences related to your health, work, relationships or well being.

Action
Replace the old behaviors with healthier ones. Do something! Take any kind of action, even a small step in the right direction can lead to another. Make an appointment with a therapist. Do the “homework” he or she suggests. Attend meetings for support. Practice.

Maintenance
Once progress is made, be persistent and diligent. Now is not the time to let down your guard or reduce your efforts although that may be tempting because you can honestly see how far you’ve come. Do a reality check. Continue to do more of what works and less of what does not help. Pay attention to relapse triggers and avoid situations that have led to a return to unhealthy behaviors in the past. While you may be experiencing success, don’t get seduced into thinking you can skate. Be vigilant but also allow yourself to enjoy some of the rewards from all your efforts.

Pre-contemplation, the first stage of change readiness, is when you may have no desire or intention to change, at least not now. In fact, you may not believe you have a problem or if you do think there is a problem, perhaps you see it a result of other people’s actions. For example, ‘I could stop smoking if my boss wasn’t so difficult”.

In our area, there can be potholes in local roads, especially after difficult or “stormy” weather.  The first time you go over one it can be startling.  Your vehicle shakes.  For a moment you don’t know what has occurred.  You aren’t sure how much damage, if any, has been done.  But pay attention.

Negative behavioral struggles or faulty relationship patterns are like a road full of potholes.  Once we recognize them we can begin to learn strategies to avoid theses potholes in life rather than end of back in the same ditch again and again.

The next time you travel that same old street, you forget about the pothole until it’s too late to swerve so you find yourself stuck in it once again.  Perhaps the following week you are more prepared.  You avoid it.  It’s still there but now you have learned to navigate your way around it until the point in time when it’s permanently fixed.

Consider the compass and the guidance it offers. Look around and note the type of compasses that fill your life and how they may pull you in one direction or another.  While the compass can be used as a tool you must first commit to a destination.  Know where you are heading. Obstacles may present themselves in your path.  No matter.  Use the right compasses in your life, including the tools you learn in an effective counseling process or program, and you’ll be better able to navigate the road to change.   www.debowens.com

Perhaps today you take a walk instead of watching TV or surfing the web.  Maybe you choose to put your partner’s needs above your own and compliment him or her on what they did well. Or you overcome an urge to engage is a destructive behavior or finally sign up for that hobby or class you’ve been contemplating for way too long.  Maybe you spend a precious moment with a child and allow yourself to be full present.

I like to remind my clients that small steps may be taken at any point and each one can have a “ripple effect” similar to tossing a stone in a pond that can alter the entire body of water surrounding where the stone was dropped. So next time you feel overwhelmed or think that the changes you wish to make seem huge or even insurmountable, instead, focus on the stone in the pond and make that one small step in the right direction then see how this can work for you as a foundation to build on as you make further strides.

 It’s normal and not unusual to put off counseling since healthy human beings do prefer to handle things themselves so I am curious about the timing of when clients call for their initial consultation.  Many times there is an event or another person encouraging them to take this step yet often something has shifted inside as well and a part of them knows and understands that change is possible even while another internal voice may be telling them it’s hopeless.

I often notice that once a person has made the first call they begin to stop or slow the progression downward.  Already the momentum has begun to shift into an upward direction.  Being interested in people’s resources, both internal and external, I try to utilize one’s strengths and recognize the pivotal role they can play in one’s own growth and development. Collaboration is key in the counseling relationship.  I like to take advantage of that new momentum and build on it.

Everyone experiences challenges in life. You are not crazy to seek out counseling or personal coaching. The opposite is true.  Successful human beings recognize when it’s time to take advantage of quality resources to get their life or relationship back on track.  Many of my clients tell me part of their initial reluctance to seek assitance is the desire to do it “by themselves”.  I like to remind people that since they are the ones who will make the change, in essence they are doing it themselves.

If your vehicle isn’t running well, you may try to correct the problem but inevitably, if these attempts don’t work, you know it’s time to take it to a mechanic.  Sometimes the automotive professional discovers a minor problem and a small effort or tune up is in order. Other times, something more extensive must be done to fix it.  Either way, there is relief to finally figure out what is needed and how to make the repairs.  You are still the one in charge of the maintenance.

 

When the weather is rough, we can take advantage of it so  arainy or blustery day is a perfect time to visit museums, catch a comedy show or c0ncert, or see a play.

Light and sun exposure also helps. However, if your moods dips further and you are experiencing difficulties with sleep, appetite, or if you find it is interfering with your ability to function at work or at home , this may be a signal to seek professional care or talk to your personal doctor.

Embrace the season by taking advantage of the unique sights and sounds.  Now is the time to go sledding, try snowboarding, or curl up by a fireplace and if you don’t have one visit a friend or restaurant that does.

Tags: counseling mood