Counselor Blog

Helping You Live & Love Well

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A MARRAIGE THERAPIST’s FIRE PLACE

A Marriage Therapist’s Fire Place

When conducting marriage therapy I hear a lot of hopelessness.

Couples hitting tough patches in their relationship. Wondering if it’s too late. Questioning if it can get better with marriage counseling.

Sometimes, there’s an expectation that they cannot turn things around. They’ve been pulled into a vortex of negativity.

FLIGHT or FIGHT or FREEZE in MARRIAGE COUNSELING

Fear dominates. Partners predict doom and gloom. They cannot imagine that positive feelings from earlier in their relationship can ever return.

They feel stuck. Consider leaving. See no other way.

RELATIONSHIP NEGLECT

I like to point out to my couples the lesson I’ve discovered with my fireplace.

Over the years, I’ve learned how to start and maintain a fire. Yet, sometimes I get distracted. Perhaps I go online and lose track of time or go upstairs and forget to tend it.

Suddenly, a little panic sets in as I notice it’s down to just a few embers.

I’ve neglect it. Forgot to tend it. Perhaps I could just let it die out.

But no, I know how to bring it back. I do. I can add some kindling, perhaps newspaper, a little fanning.

I’ve had this happen enough times that I’m confident I know how to “stoke” the fire, to rebuild it, reignite it with a little or a lot of effort depending on how long I’ve left it unattended.

HOPE

So it can be with relationships.

Once you’ve hit enough speed bumps and been able to get back on track you learn to have faith and trust in the couples counseling process.

Do the work and watch the results.

Deb Owens is a Licensed Counselor providing individual, couples, and marriage counseling in Lower Gwynedd and Chestnut Hill, PA in suburban Philadelphia near Blue Bell and Jenkintown. Deb specializes in relationships, anxiety, and those concerned about their own or loved one’s alcohol or drug use. 215-8026521 www.debowens.com

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